Almost Famous

Never shared this with anyone - there’s this small fear that my art won’t matter until after I die. Worse, my art will bury to the grave with me and I’d die a nobody. This fear is small enough that it doesn’t stop me from enjoying the creative process. But I’m no zen master, there’s still a desire that my work matters and that it will make an impact in this world in this lifetime. Like, I need to see result right now.

Those masters of art (Michelangelo, Degas, Diane Arbus, to name a few), their work continue to make impact in this world til this day - span across many lifetimes. Isn’t that the biggest achivement? Yet, I worked hard for achivement and validation. The mind thinks I’m nowhere near success right now. My body and heart, though, disagrees.

It’s tiring to do things base on other's approval. After years of hustling, I gave up and resented art. Took time off, didn’t touch the camera and had some space. My ego needed rewiring. It was work, but eventually I came to term that this lifestime is not the only time that exist. This lifetime is just a dot in the Universe’s timeline. It’s small, but not insignificant. The dot is needed to complete the timeline. So the question is - what do I want to create in this lifetime that will expand to the next dot and the next dot and the next? Art that others approve or art that comes from the soul, my most honest being?

As mentioned, I’m no zen master. Those social media like and view counts are designed to hook us in. Even on this platform, wish I can turn off those number data. As my ego does its thing, I remind myself to post a picture or to write from the heart; to pleae just my creativity.

This video from TedTalk - Give yourself permission to be creative by Ethan Hawke - is inspiring to me. Watch it and then go do something creative: