A Meaningful Life

What a generic title. I couldn’t think of anything unique to hook your interest.

First of all, you might wonder, “Why is this showing up on a Monday?” It’s for selfish reason. My husband, James, said that the weekly recap on Friday felt like homework with multiple posts to read. He doesn’t like that there isn’t enough time to read all of my writing. Well, he is my number one audience, so I’m trying something different to see what is best. And please, if you have any idea or suggestion let me know.

This past weekend, James took our girls to Catalina Island with another family. They rented a private campsite by the beach and away from the crowd. I didn’t go, thought it’d be good to have alone time. Since I am fully vaccinated, I asked three of my close friends to have breakfast. One of them suggested we go for a walk after. “It’s not hiking, it’s just walking up.” Classic introvert move, the night before I didn’t want to go out anymore. I was dreading it, resisting it, but got up on time and pushed myself out the door.

It’s been more than a year since I hung out with anyone. Felt little stiff at first, but once my friends and I sat down and had our first sips of coffee, it felt like old times again. I’m at this age where I only want to make time for people and things that have meaning to me. I gave much of my time to others back then, thinking if I don’t show up in their lives I would be easily forgotten. This pandemic and isolation showed me that all I need is my family and my creativity (flour, rice, and toilet paper too).

My friends, Julie, Angie and Ted met up for early breakfast on Saturday. 8am! That’s actually a late breakfast for me. You’d know if you have kids under 8 years old. There was hardly anyone on the street. The sky was gloomy and the air was cool. We went to Homestate in Highland Park for breakfast tacos. First customers to walk in. Ate and talked for about two hours. Then we went to Debs Park. Boy, it was not an easy walk. The only physical things I did during this pandemic were probably slicing vegetables for soup, washing dishes, and grocery shopping. So “walking upward,” as Angie put it, was a challenge. I was huffing and puffing, couldn’t chime in on their conversation.

Finally when we were done, I could only think about a nice hot bath at home. But Ted said, “Let’s go get something to drink.” As in coffee. I was resisting, the bath was calling to me, but he said he would drive us. That sold me, I’m not a fan of looking for parking in downtown LA. We went to Sesame LA on Hill Street in Chinatown. Next to it was Paper Please, Thank You Coffee, and Today Starts Here. We were talking to the owners, listening to how their ideas came about, we ordered some food and coffee. It felt really good to be connecting with creatives again. Really appreciated that my friends didn’t let me go home so soon.

When I got home, though, I didn’t take my bath. Instead, I finished an old Swedish tv miniseries, Scenes from A Marriage, written and directed by Ingmar Bergman, that I started few days ago. Simple story, a couple married for ten years with two kids - the ups and downs of their relationship summed up in about 6-8 scenes. It was heart wrenching to watch because it was real and relatable. When the couple was happy, I was happy. When they were sad, I felt it too. Made me missed my family so much. The quietness of the apartment felt cold, I had to put on a sweater and socks. I didn’t sleep well that night.

Sunday morning, I met up with another friend, Melinda, that I haven’t seen for close to 2 years. With Melinda, I can be free to have deep talk with - from questions about life to faith. We went to a small Mexican restaurant hiding in an alleyway and ordered some of the biggest breakfast burritos we’ve ever had.

“Right now, I just want to let things flow. Just do the things I’m call to do that day and not worry what’s in the future. I’m really worried that this is it, this is my life, I will not do anything big, but what if my non-accomplished life has some meaning to my kids’ future? I’ll never know that.” I said to Melinda.

Stopped by H-Mart for frozen dumplings afterward. Thought my family would prefer a bowl of soup dumplings after two days of burgers and fries. Grocery shopping on weekend is usually a family event. Without help from my husband to bring grocery upstairs (we live on 3rd floor), I was watching what to buy. It was windy when I got home. I parked, opened the trunk, decided what I could leave in there and what I could carry up the stairs. Got home to a quiet apartment. Put things away, put some random food into the toaster oven for lunch, then turned on the tv. Half way through a tv show, the door was opening. Family came home early! I was so happy and surprised. Helped my youngest daughter with her shoes and put her in bed; she was exhausted. James and V, my oldest, were busy putting dirty clothes to wash and putting things away. “Ding!” The toaster oven finished heating up my lunch. Got the food out, walked back to the sofa and I thought, “Oh, my alone time ended early.”

Before bed, reflecting on the weekend, I felt full. I felt this warmth in me and I am living in this wonderful life. If you are still reading this, then wow, thank you because everything I wrote was mundane. Nothing big happened, it was just everyday life. Have you seen the movie, Boyhood? It was a 3-hour long movie that shows a simple coming of age story. The whole time I was ready for something tragic to happen, but it never did. Nothing happened. But it was a good film.

Director Paolo Sorrentino once said his inspirations for his film The Great Beauty was French novelist Gustave Flaubert's famous statement that he intended to write a novel about nothing. Sorrentino said, "By 'nothing' he meant the rumors and gossip, the thousand ways we have of wasting time, the things that irritate us or delight us but that are so short-lived that they make us doubt the meaning of life. That 'nothing' makes up many people's entire lives."

I think my life is pretty huge and meaningful. There’s no wasted time in every second, even if I’m daydreaming. And if you have read this til the end, I thank you for spending the time with me.