Lost

There was a year when I felt completely lost. Didn’t know who I was, where had I gone to, didn’t know when and where I got lost. My heart was buried somewhere and it was calling to me. The voice sort of woke me up and the motion of searching awakened me.

I think I’m pretty good at blocking things out of my mind. I once realized I had completely blocked out an ex-boyfriend. I faintly remembered the person existed, but just couldn’t remember his name. When I started doing meditation regularly, unwanted memories started surfacing. It’s painful to revisit trauma, but I ended up loving myself more. I am who I am not by nature, but because of the hurt I received. My mind just wanted to protect me.

The problem with protecting myself too much was that slowly I left myself behind. They say fake it til you make it. They don’t mention when you make it you have to fake it even more. The career, the friends, the reputation, all for the persona and none for the real self. Feeling lost is when you flow against your own current, against your own path. It’s not meant for you. You can’t sense your way out of it. You, your real self, is constantly being put in the dark… and feeling lost.

How not to be lost? Light up your true self, be honest, and live in truth. It is pretty scary though because there’s a chance of losing the career, the friends, the reputation that were hard earned. But you don’t think our true selves can build great careers, good friends, and better reputation? Give it a chance. The world doesn’t care for our photoshopped headshots.

I like what David Whute said in an interview with Dr. Jeffrey Mishlove on tv show called Thinking Allowed:

“…you cannot sleep walk your way into your destiny you must wake up and pay attention. Stand still, the trees ahead and bushes beside you are not lost. You must pay attention that means paying attention to the shadow sides of your existence - you must pay attention to everything you've given away in order to make yourself safe in your position at work, all the games you play in order to remain safe and untouched, as well as your creative gifts…”

The Poem by David Whyte, Lost:

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

Here’s the interview: